"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard

Wednesday, December 31, 2014

The eve of 2015

It has been very a long time since I've written here.....a very long time indeed. For several years I posted over at Caring Bridge. There I documented Molly's journey from the day it all began. I have debated for some time coming back here to my family blog. When Molly became ill, I chose Caring Bridge as a way to keep everyone updated on Molly. Just a few days in to her journey, we were inundated with requests for information and I wanted to share what was happening but needed an easy way to do so. It didn't feel right for me to write about it here on our family blog. I wanted to keep it separate from my prior writings. I'm not sure why I felt that way. I still don't, but I did. So this blog got pushed onto the back burner, mostly forgotten about. I wrote quite regularly on Caring Bridge. It was healing for me. It allowed my thoughts and feelings to just flow. I have been told many times that I am a good writer. I always smile and say thank you. But it has never really been about writing per se for me, it's more opening my heart and just letting it flow through my fingers onto the page. I've never planned my words. I usually post late at night, when my house is quiet and I can commune with my inner-most thoughts. It's all very real and very raw. It has been cathartic for me in so many ways. I loved the outlet Caring bridge afforded me. Caring Bridge even featured our family on their home page at one point. They shared our story and how their pages kept us connected to our community. It was easy to set up and easy to maintain. I will forever be grateful for its service. I love it and recommend it to this day. But for now, I think it's time to come back here. To write whatever my heart feels. Not that I ever limited what I wrote on Caring Bridge, but it was done solely to tell Molly's story. I feel it's time to branch out a bit and come back here to continue to tell our story. It's not over. We're not "over it". Grief and loss are still very much a part of our lives, my life.  But I know there I times I want to write about Ryan or Kate or other thoughts or feelings and Caring Bridge doesn't seem the right place. So I'm going to give this a go, again. I hope you'll follow along. I can't promise how much I'll write as I try not to pressure myself. I write when I feel moved to do so. I have found I really can't plan it or make myself do it. If I don't have the urge, the words just don't come. I'll do my best though and I hope you'll follow along.