"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard

Wednesday, December 31, 2014

The eve of 2015

It has been very a long time since I've written here.....a very long time indeed. For several years I posted over at Caring Bridge. There I documented Molly's journey from the day it all began. I have debated for some time coming back here to my family blog. When Molly became ill, I chose Caring Bridge as a way to keep everyone updated on Molly. Just a few days in to her journey, we were inundated with requests for information and I wanted to share what was happening but needed an easy way to do so. It didn't feel right for me to write about it here on our family blog. I wanted to keep it separate from my prior writings. I'm not sure why I felt that way. I still don't, but I did. So this blog got pushed onto the back burner, mostly forgotten about. I wrote quite regularly on Caring Bridge. It was healing for me. It allowed my thoughts and feelings to just flow. I have been told many times that I am a good writer. I always smile and say thank you. But it has never really been about writing per se for me, it's more opening my heart and just letting it flow through my fingers onto the page. I've never planned my words. I usually post late at night, when my house is quiet and I can commune with my inner-most thoughts. It's all very real and very raw. It has been cathartic for me in so many ways. I loved the outlet Caring bridge afforded me. Caring Bridge even featured our family on their home page at one point. They shared our story and how their pages kept us connected to our community. It was easy to set up and easy to maintain. I will forever be grateful for its service. I love it and recommend it to this day. But for now, I think it's time to come back here. To write whatever my heart feels. Not that I ever limited what I wrote on Caring Bridge, but it was done solely to tell Molly's story. I feel it's time to branch out a bit and come back here to continue to tell our story. It's not over. We're not "over it". Grief and loss are still very much a part of our lives, my life.  But I know there I times I want to write about Ryan or Kate or other thoughts or feelings and Caring Bridge doesn't seem the right place. So I'm going to give this a go, again. I hope you'll follow along. I can't promise how much I'll write as I try not to pressure myself. I write when I feel moved to do so. I have found I really can't plan it or make myself do it. If I don't have the urge, the words just don't come. I'll do my best though and I hope you'll follow along.

Thursday, February 11, 2010


Holy cow! It's February 2010 and the last entry is from July 2009. Needless to say a lot has gone on since my last post.....

Ryan is now 7. He is in first grade and doing well. He is still into Star Wars and Transformers. In addition, he got a Nintendo DSi for his birthday and has gotten quite skilled at it. He is an awesome big brother! He and Molly have a blast being absolutely silly, driving mom and dad crazy, silly. He is involved in Tiger Scouts and had his first camping trip in the fall. He has his big teeth fully in on top and bottom and looks so grown up. (Altho, I haven't gotten any good pics of him lately as he HATES when I pull out my camera.) He is definitely a case of "the apple doesn't fall far from the tree". He is very observant and a bit of a perfectionist with a little bit of a temper thrown in.

Molly is 5. She is THE BOSS! Or at least she likes to think so! She loves to tell everyone what to do and if they don't comply, she bursts into big crocodile tears. Quite the drama queen. She is still VERY girly and loves her princesses, Barbies, baby dolls. I decided to separate Molly and Kate in school this year. It has gone very well. She is in pre-K and has several "girl" friends. Not at all into boys, which is fine by me. She had her tonsils and adenoids out in January and did quite well. We spent an overnight at the hospital after wards which she was not at all fond of. She was given this in the recovery room and it hasn't left her side since. Molly is very bright. She knows all of her letters and numbers and is even spelling some words. She loves to color and do crafts. She is my snuggler and is oh so sensitive.

Kate is also 5. She is my tough cookie and as Kevin refers to her, "our most animated child"! The stuff she comes up with on a daily basis has us in stitches. I seriously do not know where she gets it. She is full of sass and vinegar and will surely let you know if you've made her mad! She recently kissed a boy in her class and the next day was trying to kiss another one. Kate has always been a bit of a tomboy. She is not at all into girl stuff and for quite some time, insisted she was a boy. Now, she relents that she is in fact a girl but just doesn't like "girl stuff". Where she got the kissing thing from, I have no idea! I got her a very cute Carter's shirt for Christmas that has a weiner dog on it as she is a dog lover. I thought she would love it. Nope! It has "ups" as she calls it, which translates to puffs on the sleeves. In fact, Kate jumps out of bed every morning and puts on her standard uniform of jeans and one of maybe three shirts that meet her specifications. If I even think about suggesting something else, like a dress or leggings, Kate erupts and quickly lets me know that that is NOT going to happen. Kate has recently learned to spell and write her name. She is very smart, however, could care less about such things as writing and knowing her letters.

Just a quick update on the kids. I always feel so overwhelmed when I haven't blogged in a while. I feel like I have to recount all that has happened but alas, who has time for that. I am going to try and get back here more frequently!

Saturday, July 25, 2009

25 1/2

So I was chatting with Ryan tonight at bedtime and we were talking about our plans for the upcoming week. I reminded him he is doing another Vacation Bible School aka VBS or as Kevin calls it, "All the stay at home moms dump their kids for the week and eat bonbons together". So Ryan says he doesn't want to do another dumb bible school because all they do is tell stories about Jesus. I told him stories about Jesus are good, and he learns about Jesus in school and VBS is fun! Because really, he doesn't have a choice, I am having my week of bonbons, darn it!

So then he says well, I can talk to Jesus himself when I get old and go to heaven. Ya know, when I'm 25 1/2.

Cuz that's old.

Sunday, June 28, 2009

Almost but not quite....

About two weeks ago, Molly got her ears pierced. She was over the moon excited and was so brave. We went on a Thursday night and despite the fact that there was only one employee and she would have her ears done one at a time, Molly was determined. She didn't cry, didn't even flinch. And she has been thrilled ever since.

At the time, Kate had NO interest in getting hers done. Nada. Zip. Zero. Nothing.

Until today. She came into my room this morning and announced she wanted her ears pierced. Say what?! I didn't say too much but asked her again later and she stood by her answer. So we did a quick run to Costco tonight and afterwards we stopped at the mall. Kate had already decided which earrings she wanted and insisted she was ready. Well, apparently the earrings she picked are gold plated and have a greater risk of infection and can turn your ears green. Ewww. So we were trying to pick another pair when Kate put the kabosh on the plan. Nope, not ready. So we left. No biggie.

Except Molly had the hugest hissy fit ever because she wanted the lollipop that the piercer lady gives you at the end.

My girls are so different and for that I am blessed.

Friday, June 26, 2009

Cape May 2009

Our trip to Cape May this year was a lot of fun as always. We were there from 6/13-20. Aunt Kiki stayed the whole week and we had some other visitors in and out. We had two great beach days, did the Wildwood Boardwalk, spent way too much money on goofy prizes at the arcade, ate dinner at Groff's where Kate enjoyed a peanut free meal, had a few colder beach days, got tons of mosquito bites, saw Cape May the kitty and much more.

Of course I brought my camera ....

The kids already can't wait for Cape May 2010!

Oh boy!

Just a sneak peek at my future with twin girls. Tonight at the dinner table...

Kate: " I want a boyfriend."

Me: "Um really, why?"

Kate: "Because I like boys now. I think I'll ask _____ to be my boyfriend and I'll kiss him too" (name omitted to protect the innocent, hee hee)

Molly: "No! _____ is my boyfriend! You can't have him Kate!"

Kate: "Well I'm just gonna kiss _____ at the pool!"

Kevin: "Oh dear!"

Monday, June 8, 2009

Kindergarten Graduate!

Yep, my baby boy is officially a Kindergarten Graduate. Graduation day was Tuesday, June 2. It was such a sweet ceremony. The kids sang lots of songs and even recited a poem or two. Ryan kept talking about how his role was to hug the priest. I had no idea what he meant until it happened. The kids presented a plant to Father Charlie and Ryan was one of the "huggers". It was so cute.
I have to say a few tears were shed. Daddy had the day off and Gam came too. The girls were even well behaved. After the ceremony, there was a short reception in the hall and we got some pictures with his teachers.
We had McDonald's for lunch as where else would a kindergarten graduate want to eat??? That night we did the carnival. All in all a great family day.

Here's my boy...